Love and heartbreak are two of the three pieces of a relationship. The third is free choice, and the more I hear people talking about break-ups, the more I think we’re trying to take away the freedom of the exiting party.
If you hear a group of friends talking about a recent break-up, you’ll probably hear them saying rather mean things about the person who initiated it. In order to make ourselves and friends feel better, we often defend ourselves like we would against a black bear. We try to make ourselves much bigger and louder than our ex so he or she can’t hurt us.
Still, I’m not convinced that enlarging ourselves and shrinking our exes through character attacks is the best choice. Break-ups are hard, and no one really leaves unhurt. Adding insult to the turmoil of a fractured union is just immature.
Still, immaturity is relatively unimportant compared to the true effect of this defamation mindset. Having trudged through break-ups in the past, I remember the ways people talked to me and about me. I was evil, unfaithful, and dastardly because I had ripped a girl’s heart out.
In reality, I had made a choice. I was never mean to anyone; I just explained that I didn’t think that particular relationship was the best thing for either of us anymore. Yet each time I tripped through the process, people treated me like a black bear.
I’m not a black bear, and neither are you nor your ex. People have the right to make their own choices, and supporting them in that ability, whether its use benefits you or not, is very important. I know break-ups hurt, but try to remember that free choice is God’s ultimate gift.