2017 was the actual worst, and this year’s hostility was perhaps most insidiously present during the holidays, when everything’s jolly and bright until our uncle says something racist, and if we call him out, it gets really… uncomfortable.
It’s not that some people are mindless; how many of us know kind and brilliant people who won’t let the term “microaggression” pass without a snicker about “snowflakes”? The truth is, the ideas of different generations tend to oppose each other, and if two thoughts cannot be diametrically opposed and true, what can we do when the choice appears to be between peace and truth?
The good news is, that’s not the choice. Rarely is a decision really down to two things, whether that’s peace vs. truth or liberal vs. conservative. We exist in our own echo chambers for protection, whether that’s Facebook, Twitter or the people we choose to talk to. As much as diverse voices have risen to combat the male, wealthy, heterosexual, white voices that have kept them down before, that former power has not yet disappeared, and it is close-minded thoughts that divide us. Our defense mechanisms have become, on both sides, complete agreement within and complete rejection without. That kind of mindset is what reduces things to two choices.
Most Americans hold inaccurate assumptions. We can help change these, as we have in the past, through calling people out, opening dialogue and introducing diversity. We can also fight the urge to separate ourselves from individuals who hold unacceptable views about the people around them.
Not everyone is called to engage in this way, of course; there are individuals who have experienced harassment, prejudice and trauma to the degree that they shouldn’t feel a burden to engage with the ideological other. But for the rest of us, it is time to engage differently. Calling people out often just shuts them down. Also, as much as some people often have trouble with what we consider basic human decency, they can also be lovely people from whom we can learn. It’s through relationships, after all, that opinions change.
The way to help fix and heal our society is not just waiting for the last generation to die, because it never will. Certainly, our grandparents will die like theirs did. But then we’ll be the grandparents, and society will march on toward justice without us. If only the young and the educated know what’s up, there’s no hope for us. As difficult as it is, it is crucial to talk to people who hold controversial opinions. And that means reviewing our own thought processes critically, because never is one side completely wrong and the other completely right. So as we consider another year, let’s examine ourselves first. Then we can speak patiently to those whom we feel don’t deserve patience. That’s what will change America, the sexist, the homophobic and the racist uncles included.