When I first became a follower of Christ, the relationship I had with Jesus became the most important relationship in my life. The desire to spend time with Him didn’t come from obligation but from a heart of gratitude. I was basking in the spiritual high that seemed promised to all new believers. Every moment spent with Jesus, I felt like a flower facing the sun. It will always be this way—so I thought.
I was able to maintain a steady relationship with Jesus throughout high school, but it all changed when I came to college. Somewhere between moving hours away from home, the demanding homework assignments and idolizing romantic relationships, I let go of His hand. That flower once facing the sun was now withering into a dry season. Christians have a name for this: season of spiritual drought. All I wanted was the gift of living water.
It seemed the deeper into my college education I went, the further away from the heart of Christ I found myself. Those early morning one-on-one dates with Jesus that I enjoyed so much, became easily replaced with more sleep. My prayers became selfish. I centered my life around meeting deadlines and completing homework rather than fixing my eyes on Him. The longer I went without talking to God, the more shameful I felt when I actually did. It seemed like I only talked to Him when I needed something, rather than going to Him just to embrace His presence.
One day God spoke to me through one of my professors. During devotion, my professor read a Bible verse: Isaiah 40:28. At that moment, I realized that I had such a limited perception of who God is that my mind forgot He is not human. He doesn’t get tired like me. He’s not unfaithful like me. He doesn’t get frustrated or impatient like me. He is a God of never-ending love and mercy that I will probably spend my whole life trying to understand. He reminds me throughout the Bible to come to Him when I am weary and tired because He loves me so much that He will give me rest.
Satan does anything he can to keep us away from God. He will deeply engrave your flaws into your mind to a point that you’ll forget about the mercy and the freedom that God has waiting for you once you ask. If God could send His Son to die for my sin, knowing all the ways I would hurt Him in return, what could Satan ever say to take that same love away?
God hates the idea of an eternity without me, and that is evident in His decision to sacrifice His own Son on the behalf of all mankind. Just like the prodigal son who lost his way, yet came back home into loving arms, Jesus reminds me over and over again that He doesn’t care what I’ve done. My sinful past is nothing compared to my future with Him. He reminds me to just come home, and He will take care of the rest.