Self-doubt has been a common struggle in my life from a very young age. Growing up, I played the violin, the piano, and I also loved to sing. As much as I enjoyed these talents, I would always back down whenever it came to performing. I would recite every excuse on the list that my insecurity created for me, and I had a hard time believing I was good enough to even be on stage. Just like that, all my hard work and endless efforts to provide the perfect performance quickly went down the drain. Self-doubt won, and I decided to lean on my weakness rather than on God’s strength.
As time passed and I grew older, I began to realize how deeply self-doubt affected me. I blocked so many of my own blessings, as well as the blessings of others, all because I was too caught up within my own insecurities. I was too focused on what I couldn’t do, rather than focusing on what God could do through me.
After reflecting on the negative ways self-doubt impacted my life, I decided to be more intentional when it came to dealing with it. So, I made it a goal and challenged myself to get back on stage and sing again.
About two weekends before school began, I was given the opportunity to join some girls from my home church to sing for the special music service. During practice the night before, I was confident as usual, and I was ready. Later I noticed something in one of the girls that reminded me much of myself self-doubt was chewing away at her confidence and she was on her way to backing out. The funny thing is, on Sabbath, I found myself asking God if I really needed to join them. “I’m sure they can do it without me,” I thought.
God quickly interrupted that thought and reminded me that I needed to lead by example for the girl who was suffering from self-doubt. He reminded me of the goal that I placed on my to-do list this year to challenge myself to get back on stage and sing again. He reminded me to put myself aside and allow my life to be a testament of Him. I was inspired by this affirmation and found myself willing to go on stage to honor His will and as a result, it turned out beautifully.
I am still a work in progress and my journey is far from complete. The battle between self-doubt and I is never-ending, but I’ve decided to let God fight for me like He promises in Exodus 14:14 , rather than allowing my insecurities to take me off the battlefield. I can say that my confidence has elevated since I made the decision to spend more time with God. I am constantly reminded by the promise of Isaiah 41:10 and 2 Timothy 1:7. I will no longer allow fear and my insecurities to bring me to doubt what God can do through me. I am realizing everyday that He has given me the strength I need, and all I have to do is take my eyes off of my insecurities and focus on Him.