Growing up half Korean, half Caucasian, I have always considered myself to be mainly American. Sure, I was raised to love Korean food (kimchi, mandu and bibimbap, yum!), I learned a few words in Korean and my Halmoni (grandma) and aunties made sure I got the full Korean child experience; but, even though I immersed myself in every aspect of my culture that I had access to, I knew I was different from both sides of my family, and I accepted it. However, my sister expressed to me a year or so ago that growing up for her was difficult. She never felt like she fit in. She thought she didn’t look white enough to be considered white or Asian enough to be considered Asian. Because of these feelings, she never claimed a culture. “No, I’m not white. No, I’m not Asian,” she would say. She shied away from embracing who she was and became withdrawn from both her Caucasian and Asian roots.
I, on the other hand, would claim whichever side benefited me at the moment. When people see me, they can usually tell I’m Caucasian. Some can see other ethnicities in me, but rarely do they correctly guess my heritage. In Hawaii where I was raised, many people look down on Caucasians because they overthrew the Hawaiian monarchy. When I was a little girl, I got teased for being white. I would march over to whoever was teasing me and smugly say, “Well, actually I’m half Korean.” It actually did improve things. Hawaiians had nothing against Asians, so it made them see me in a better light. Whenever people would complain about the Caucasian race as a whole, I made sure to remind them, “I’m Korean, too!” I was white when I needed to be and Asian when I needed to be. Whatever helped me out more at the moment was the side that I claimed.
I feel like this situation can reflect our Christian experience. When people don’t feel like they fit in to the church or Christianity, they can be like my sister and withdraw from the church and not claim God as a part of them. On the flip side, they can be like me and only claim God when it benefits them and when it’s convenient for them. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from growing up half Asian, it’s that most people won’t know what you are, so you have to proudly announce it. You won’t always feel like you fit into your own family, but you realize that even if you don’t fit the mold, you are still loved and accepted by them. These lessons directly apply to us as Christians. We should proudly stand up and vocalize our love for God. We should know that even if we don’t feel like we fit the mold of what a Christian should be, we are still deeply loved and desired by Him. At the end of the day, people can look at me and wonder what ethnicity I am as long as when they look at me, they know that I am a Christian.