After my very first soul-crushing, earth-shattering breakup, my mother responded by buying me books. I was 17 years old, dumb and in love the way that only a teenage girl can be—and I did not know how I was going to survive without him, so when my mom handed me a bag full of books she was sure were going to fix me, I laughed at her and threw them into a far-reaching corner of my bedroom. A week later, I finally opened the first one, “Get Lost: Your Guide to Finding True Love,” by Dannah Gresh. “How on earth is this going to help me?” I asked myself, but I read it anyway and was incredibly surprised. Dannah Gresh’s advice for “finding true love” was to start first by being alone.
I don’t think I’m out of line in saying that, in Adventism, being single is generally frowned upon. We still joke about “Southern Matrimony College.” When young adults at my church graduate from college unmarried, for some reason we’re supposed to feel sorry for them, like they’ll be alone forever now. But Dannah Gresh’s book “Get Lost” encourages young Christian people to be on their own in order to first discover where they stand with God—that before you get lost in a relationship, you must first get lost in God.
So I was alone for a day, then days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and months turned into two and a half years. I truly believe that these two and a half years have been a gift from God. When you are alone—truly alone—you are forced to take a long, hard look at yourself and your life and decide where you want to go from there. Being single is not a curse; it’s the gift of being able to learn about yourself and about the world. It’s a fresh start—a second chance—to evaluate how you got to be here and where you want to go.
If you’re single this Valentine’s Day, I feel you; I’m right there with you, but let’s use it as an opportunity to decide what we want our relationship with God to look like. Valentine’s dates will come and go, so restructure your life to fit around Someone who will always be by your side. Get lost in God now, and someday, you’ll be grateful for all this time you were alone. I know it’s going to lead you somewhere wonderful.